You better wipe that look off your face before I do it for you..

Okay so there is one thing that bothers me like crazy.  Well, not just one, but one thing that is gnawing at me right now.  Which is not good because I just opened my eyes a half hour ago from my peaceful slumber.  I've been doing that stupid internet dating site.  I hate it.  I prefer to be in a bar or public place, where I can see someone face to face.  That way, when they say something stupid, I have the opportunity to punch them in the face, or the balls.  Okay, so I would never do those things.  But, I would roll my eyes at you, turn around and continue talking to my friend.  On this internet thing, the worst thing I can do is ignore you and some of these dudes don't even get that.  

So.  What I am about to share is my personal opinion, that I happen to feel strongly about...

I love it when I am having good chemistry with people, not just men I am interested in dating, but just good conversational chemistry.  Be it with patients, patient families, new acquaintances, or a potential love interest.  I love it when they ask me if I'm an LPN or an RN.  No, I hate it.  Because if they are asking, chances are they only know the letters LPN or RN, not what the fine print means.  I've considered keeping copies of my scope of practice in my back pocket or purse.  Because I really fucking hate it when I say LPN and the response I get is "Oh."  Like I just told you there really is no Santa.  Or you're a 3 year old man child and I let the air out of your balloon.  Oh?  You better wipe that look off your face before I do it for you.  

Let's get things straight.  Chances are, I am the one who is at Nana's bedside.  Does Nana have a hard time feeding herself?  Chances are, I am the one in her room feeding her at meal time.  Is Nana scared about her pending surgery, lab results, etc.  I'll be there to hold Nana's hand and lend an ear when you are not.  Is Nana in pain?  No problem.  I can get those pain meds, unless she needs some IV push pain medications -that I cannot do, it is out of my scope of practice.  Wow, you really got me there.  Let's keep going.  Did Nana need labs drawn or an IV put in?  I'm on it.  Does Nana have a Stage II, III, IV wound on her buttocks, back side?  Not a problem.  I love doing wound care and I can clean and dress a wound just like the RN, the RN who probably has just enough time to come in the room, assess the wound and get back to his/her documentation/charting.  Did Nana just have surgery?  She might have drains that need to be cared for.  I can do that.  Incisions to be cared for, I can do that too.  Does she have fluids running through her IV?  I hung them.  What about that medicine running through that IV, I hung that too.  Did Nana just stop breathing?  I got this, I function at my highest during a code.  I can provide suction to clear her airway,  I can give Nana CPR.  If Nana stops breathing and is unresponsive - the MD arrives and asks all sorts of questions - who answers them?  I do.  I answer every mother fucking question.  In fact, on several occasions, the MD has taken my suggestions!  Because I am a god damned NURSE.

I could dance circles around some of those RN's out there.  And sometimes I do.  If you're a shitty RN and try to use me as your workhorse - I will dance circles around you - and in my nonchalant way I'll make you feel like shit too.   My coworkers, the ones I've been with for quite sometime now, respect me enough ask me for guidance and direction when they are stumped.  But, I'm just an LPN..